“I might as well copy-paste last year’s Annual Review…”
Of course, even last year I thought the same thing. “A tiger doesn’t change its stripes,” and now in my 35th year, it’s apparent I won’t be changing mine.
What went well this year?
Parenting. I’m very aware of the cost of lackluster parenting. “It’s a terrible thing to do to someone.” No matter how strained I am, I’ve said I am going to be a dedicated father. This year I dedicated myself to both my girls and continued my usual routine of rallying the boy to greatness.
When parenting, I track their milestones and development because I want the children to be able to play at (and somewhat over) the level of their peers so that they’re able to play with the maximal number of children. Milestones are also easily measured: they can do the thing or not. My son still struggles to relate to his peers today because he’s never been on their level, and it’s a pitiable thing which I personally experienced as a child. It lead to my poor self-esteem and lack of ambition. When I celebrate milestones, this is why.
Violet. “My little storm cloud.” 🖤 Violet continues to meet her milestones. She’s ahem strong-willed, sweet, intelligent, curious, and funny: I think she’s picked up on my ability to parody – songs and such – and she’ll make up her own little parodies of various things. This year she became a lot less fearful.
Olivia. “Child of light.” I thought Violet was an especially happy baby; Olivia redefined that for me. For her first year, we called her the colon D baby. This guy -> :D
Olivia is an absolute joy to be around. She took 13 months to walk, which was a surprise given that Violet was fully walking at 10 ½ months, but it looks like she instead allocated her effort towards speech, because this girl can talk. And enunciate! She’s also good with her fine motor skills.
My wife was able to flawlessly breastfeed Olivia for six straight months, which is a big achievement.
Made two new friends. Each from different countries, and each of them web developers. I always love hearing about other cultures and it was because of my Argentinian friend that I…
Started learning Spanish; soft-quit PGO. This year I finally was able to put down Pokémon GO. Partially because I’m playing Pokemon Sleep now, but mostly that I was a little too obsessive about PvP and I felt childish being distracted in public so that I could play the PvE events.
I started Duolingo mid-November. My learning strategy is slow-paced and with frequent review. I fully achieve “legendary” on the current unit before moving on to the next. It’s working, and it’s got to be better for my cognition, and certainly for my life.
Rearranged the house. My wife came up with the plan. My son took my old office and my new office is in the study, previously our entertainment room. I could barely stand living in this house before, but now I’m comfortable.
Game development. I may have burned myself doing it, but I can’t argue with the results. I don’t think I’ve ever been better poised for a successful year than I am now.
This year I also received the most volunteer help I ever have. Aforementioned Argentinian friend wrote a robust weather script, and Tinydark’s Raigen helped develop tinydark.com and Hub features; I’m also excited to announce we’ve been able to hire him to work remotely at my workplace. We even had an artist draw some holiday costumes for Tinyblob, our mascot.
Health. I took almost three months off eating “optional sugar,” breaking my nightly ice cream routine. I’d felt like I was starting to get fat, so I simultaneously started focusing more on building my upper body. I went as far as to take before-and-afters for Facebook, but I eventually had to stop so I could focus on game dev.
Though I stopped my upper body work, I did start jogging in the morning. I fell out of the habit once Daylight Saving Time hit, and the girls’ circadian rhythms were an hour ahead.
Artificial Intelligence. Not exactly “my” win, but AI has been instrumental in this year’s high production. To think it’s only gotten better throughout the year and stands to get even better, it’s such a privilege to be able to use AI. That’s just code; assets have always been a problem for my game development, but AI trivializes some of my asset issues (it’s still pretty bad proper asset generation).
What didn’t go so well?
Relentless work ethic. I have a long, contemplative post on this here, but: I am too ambitious. “A good problem to have.” Well, in August I had my first real panic attack at 3AM. I thought it was a heart attack at first. But what’s mildly concerning is that I felt stronger for it after; I overcame it on my own and that now that I know what it is, I’m better prepared for it. I didn’t feel like I should try to avoid this at all, but rather that I’m more prepared for a second panic attack. Seems kinda not-a-good mentality.
My body. I said my forward neck posture would be my focus of the year, and I did a passable job of it, but it wasn’t enough. I still get headaches and they feel like they’re getting worse. We don’t have the money nor do I have the bandwidth to see a rolfer, and I’m not sure what to do other than try to keep my posture in mind throughout the day. I tried to train myself to sleep without a pillow but had minimal success. I typically lay down once a day, mid-day if work allows it, for about 15 minutes just to clear my head and alleviate some of the pain.
I also abused caffeine: by my definition, two cups/packets/sessions a day. That likely contributed to the panic attack.
My focus. Nothing new here. It’s just hard to truly focus when my morning’s waylaid by children and I’m needed throughout the day. Interruptions break focus, so that’s that: I cannot truly focus. The time I get at night is rarely good for focusing considering it’s so scarce, the girls could wake up at any time, and that’s typically the bulk of time I get to spend talking with my wife.
Buried. Two-under-two, working my job, working tinydark, doing (it seems) more chores than the typical husband does, my crumbling body and keeping myself healthy are the primary stressors.
No sympathy allowed; I chose this path and would choose it again.
Finances. We had two kids in two years (I regret not waiting an extra six months) so it’s to be expected, but we’ve found ourselves deep in the negatives at the end of the year. Inflation’s a real killer. We (ie: my wife) made some progress with the decision to grocery shop at two different stores for our weekly shopping trip, but the extra store is Trader Joe’s… full of novel temptations. We’re still better off for it, anyway.
Released neither Black Crown: Exhumed nor Bean Grower. I did have to take two weeks off for some contracting, but ultimately I just decided to spend more time on URPG, and everything takes longer than I expect.
What did I learn?
I feel like this year, I didn’t get too worked up about our lack of financial progress. It feels more like acceptance than complacency. I will be free, unburied when my dream is realized: we just need to save up enough money for a down payment on a new house build, then sustain our finances while it’s built, and finally sell this house for a minimum of $100k in the bank when all is said and done. I have confirmed this is entirely possible, and I’m grateful to have moved South before the pandemic. This is why it’s acceptance: achieving this peace of mind is the only way I can finally buy the ice cream.
Otherwise, I’ve meditated on it, and honestly: I don’t know that I really learned anything notable. At least as far as wisdom vs. tangible knowledge.
Goals and Expectations: 2024
Game dev. I can at least guarantee Bean Grower’s getting a final release, presumably onto an app store. I’m giving myself three damn months for it. Black Crown is also getting three damn months, but I will concede that Steam Store support might be a stretch goal. Either way, I’m ending this year with two full titles under my belt.
Financial recovery. Sort of a given, and who knows, maybe the 15,000 hours I’ve spent building a game studio will actually pan out this year.
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Welp, figger that’s it.
Vael